forgetfulness

I'm not a very detailed person in life, as such I miss out on a lot of important details, or at least those that do not seem important enough to me. This is a niggling problem as I forget things very often nowadays. As the hectic lifestyle of a undergraduate get to me, I even forget I'm supposed to meet my church committee members!

I have found a way to counter that, and that is to keep a schedule book, which is really tough for me as I do not have a habit of planning nor organising my stuff.. but well now I have to.

I realised.. its not just minor details I forget at times. At many points in life, I will also simply forget God's presence in my life, even though He is always around. Why do i say that? Sometimes when faced with a problem, we always seek "practical help" instead of praying to God about it.

I also have a bad habit of worrying... = pessimistic/ negative mindset. I will always think about the future and conclude: "Oh no! this is gonna be so bad." In essence, I forgot to look back in my life and look at how God has indeed brought me through each and every situation I thought I will never be able to pull through, do things I never think I am capable of.

Some may say to me:" hey, where's your self-confidence man?? u need some courage and positive thinking!"

After thinking for a long while and reflecting my problems to God, I found that it hinges on something. Or rather, my self-confidence is lost because many a times I forgot I am in good hands when I'm in God's hands. I try to combat my problems looking to solve them but always fail because the central issue here is that I lost focus with God. Whenever faced with a brand new challenge in life, i flinch because of my insecurities before God.

I'm just not able to leave EVERYTHING 100% to Him, even when I know It will be in good hands. Much less say surender things to God in a situation where I'm so caught up in life and God seems distant, and far.

I remember Jesus talking about the parable of a farmer sowing seeds in different grounds. (there are a few types)
First seeds sown on hard ground became bird food. The second type fell into rocky soil and the roots couldn't grow strong so when winds came, the seedling was uprooted. I belong to the third case: I'm growing up in a weedy soil with all the weeds, suffocating in between so not growing well.

As i think about it, yea.. if there is something I just need to remember that will be: God's grace in my life. I really need to be reminded of how precious His grace had been, is now and is going to be in the future. I shall cast all worries on Him for He cares for me, and NOT forget He is my Lord of my life.

Father, help me remember You are my God. Thank You for saving me and being the Lord of my life.

time to focus back to reading study notes T.T