Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. - Matthew 16:24
As I reflect and visit all the broken pieces of my heart with Jesus, all the painful emotions flood to mind as the tears well up, threatening to burst right through the eyelids that always tries to acts tough in front of others. The past one year has been an eventful year for me. From fallen from Grace back to being in God's Loving arms has been sort of a rollercoaster of a ride.
Yet, I'm amazed because I came out stronger, my eyes opened to fresh insights and perspectives of who God is and what He wants for me in Life rather than my own pursuits. God always draws Man onto Himself, and I'm grateful to be a beneficiary to know not just the Abundant Life but He who gives it.
Trials and challenges purify our Faith all the time, and when we grow to something stronger, God always shows us a new gap, another thing we need to direly move on towards. Perhaps this is why we need God: We can never be perfect, but only imperfectly perfect.
In our lives, what is it that we direly seek...? Love? Wealth? Companionship? Family? Power?
God is always reminding me that There is a Price in following Him, a cost for discipleship. In the past, I have always overlooked it, because I have much that I wouldn't just let go to God. The Rich young Ruler in Luke comes to mind as I reflect upon the verse above. For the ruler, he just couldn't give up his wealth. It wasn't that money isn't good nor was it because of the sheer huge amount he amassed. It was because money became the hindrance he couldn't give up to follow God, even when he knew God was the Life the Resurrection. The Price seemed too huge to lose.
What is that thing(s) that's standing between us and God?
In Matthew 16, a series of interesting events happened:
1) The Sadducees and Pharisees came to ask Jesus for a sign of Heaven but they were turned away (v.1-4)
2) Jesus immediately told his disciples to beware of the teachings of Pharisees and sadducees because they could intrepret the "weather" but not the "times" (v.5-12)
3) Peter declared Jesus as Messiah and Lord, met with favour that He would build the church upon Peter as the "Rock" (v. 13-17)
4) Peter the "Rock" rebuked as Satan and hindrance to Jesus, that "He has the concerns of Humans, not the concerns of God." (v.21-23)
Then, came the verse in the picture above:
"Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. "
Denying oneself truly is hard because in essence, we tell ourselves to give up our "rights", our "entitlements", our "ought to haves" and "deserved" pleasures that satisfy our perceived needs and Lust (note: Lust here refers not just to sexual lust, but all greed and covetousness of things to satisfy our own wants).
As a University student, who doesn't want to score A's? Who doesn't want to be rich and live comfortably? Who doesn't want to have all attention and Glory in front of peers? Who doesn't like to be someone popular? The list is endless. But if we step beyond certain areas, there may be no return anymore. Pursuit of money? It actually isn't the money that is bad. Money is good and useful and a neccesity in today's context and world! It's actually the condition of our hearts that can cause that pursuit to go on to wreck other areas of our lives if left unchecked. I'm pretty convinced it's not the things on the world that can wreck my life, but the knots in my heart that God wrestles so hard with to untangle.
Being real with a God who is real to us is one of that daily struggle I come to encounter. What is the thing(s) that I Covet most that actually pushes me away from God, i.e. a hindrance to Him working into my life? Am I able to lay it down, deny myself of it just to follow God? Am I even at the least willing to come before Him to admit when he already knows everything...?
The Cross is of huge significance to me given that Jesus Himself came as God incarnate, the Son of God to die for us, giving Himself in redeeming us from Sin that is so evident in our daily lives. In this, He showed an example crucial to our understanding of "taking up the Cross". While the cross is a symbol of torture and death, it's not just merely a portion of sacrifice. Jesus Himself gave up thewhole of His life on the Cross that we may in turn have access to Life through His Death by giving ourselves in wholehearted Devotion to Him. No wonder the verse after that says:
25 For whoever wants to save their life[f] will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. 26 What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?27 For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done.
An oxymoron indeed in verse 25. I always marvel at Biblical passages that seemingly are opposite ends and contradict: "when I am weak, then I am strong", this understanding is so deep and profound that it's counter-intuitive to the way we normally think.
Finally, Jesus gave the invitation again to Follow Him.
The account in Luke even adds the term "daily" at the end of this verse, signifying a daily momentarily and ceaseless process of "denying oneself and taking up the Cross to follow Him."
To me, it's a life-long journey that I can only continue to take one step a time each day. I pray that this verse continues to remind me each day to Choose Jesus over any other thing that comes along to try to wrestle my attention away.
What can I say but give it back to Him who gave me everything that I have now?
What could I say?
What Can I do?
But offer this Heart O' God
Completely to You