Draws me closer yet.. don't let me go

I'm truly amazed by how God has really brought me thus far in life. And listening to fellow brothers and sisters' struggles as they journey their walk with God really affirms my faith, and renews, while reminding me that God is around me, with me and with the people around me.

I am going to be baptized soon in December 6th 2009!! YAY! Thank God. :D

At many a times I feel defeated in life. I feel unworthy, totally disappointed with myself, disgusted, about who I am, and what I ought to be. I feel ashamed to face God sometimes for failing to live by His commandments. But hey, that's why I truly need God in my life. It is because I am not perfect, that I need God to guide and discipline me. In fact, NO one, not a single one of us is perfect just as the scripture has revealed in:

"all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,"
Romans 3:23

God knows, and He did not leave us. In fact he loved us so much to have made a plan for us that each one of us, however imperfect, can and will return to Him, and in Him, made imperfectly perfect.

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

Not because we do anything to deserve such love, just like how a parent would care for a son/daughter, God loves us, however worthless we feel we are, however wrong the things we have done, however unworthy we are, however imperfect we are.

I'm recently re-accessing my life journey with God and am greatly reminded of something n my life:

"Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him." John 14:21

Firstly, I ask myself, do I love God? If I do what is that out of? You see, I was affected greatly when I asked myself this, because Jesus said in John 14:21 "Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me." Have I kept and abided in His commandment for me? I will like to think this 2 greatest commandments are:

1) "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." Mark 12:30
"Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." Deuteronomy 6:5

2) The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."
Mark 12:31

Now, what does it mean to Love God your Lord with all heart, all your soul, all your mind, all your strength? We should recognise that God is the Lord of our lives, and by calling Him our Lord, we place our life's decision making in Him, abiding by His will. And LOVE God. Not just simply love, but it is elaborated in such a detailed way. Heart + Soul + mind + strength... which is in fact everything we have.. loving God not just stays on your lips but should flow deep into knowing God with our hearts, worshiping Him in truth and Spirit (with soul), Minds so that we consciously know who we are depending on and all of our strength (it requires effort).

And the second is loving our neighbours as ourselves. Have we even had our hearts moved to help people in need around us? Some we may know, some we may not know, but Jesus calls us to love others just like how we will love ourselves. Treating people with love that is befitting of the love we have of ourselves. It is indeed a hard thing to do.

I truly give thanks to God, even if there are things not going to what I want in life, but I give thanks for the people He has put around me as a reminder of His love, and Him working through my life, however imperfect I am. I have had the honour to learn about God in the most amazing ways I never have thought of.

Some of the things He brought me through may have hurt me but He sustained me and brought me through each and every of them. He brings me closer to Him, sometimes He has to drag me but I am just at peace knowing He is working in my life.

Jeremiah 29:13 "You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."

He has promised that we will find Him if we truly search for Him. I pray that you too will find Him working through in your life.

Where is all the JOY?

After being a christian for 4 years, recently I'm undergoing really troubled times. Is it because I have not followed God close enough? What has gone wrong? How has it gone wrong? Where has things gone wrong?

A lot of doubts start seeping through my mind as out of my 4 years with God, this is the year I'm treating it seriously, as in, my faith and relationship with God more seriously than my previous 3 years. I see it as a learning point everytime I "suffer" in some sense, telling myself, its something God puts me through to mould me.

Where has all the joy of living as a Christian and enjoying my relationship as God's child all gone to? Am I living it all right? Or is there more to things that meet the eye?

I confess to God that a lot of times I crumble under pressure and give in to the easy way out. I have been too slack in studies, and that explains my poor results. When something goes wrong, I'm quick to find explanations, reasons for things gone wrong.

In reality, are we sometimes living in self-denial when things are obviously not the way they are? Forever I can find 101 reasons to convince myself I'm correct and on the right path. But yet, God shows and reveals the heart of man.

I cannot find Joy because deep down, I have not allowed God to change my life to the fullest extent He can and I'm holding on to things I'm just not willing to let go. But all these have to go, I have to change, and about time too.

God gives us free-will and unless we make that effort to WILLINGLY change and let our lives be entrusted to Him and transformed, we cant. We simply cant by our own efforts do something we were not made to do. My life will not make a change just by knowing what's wrong. I have to make a conscious decision to change and allow God to change me.

^"25The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life." John 12:25

Am I willing to let Go? Yes.
Have I let go fully 100% now? No.

This is a big major problem for me, as I grapple and bargain with God for things which do not belong to me. Who is the Lord of my life? Is it me myself? Or God? Does not all I "have" come from He who knows me better than I am? What then is stopping me from fully surrendering what's not even mine in the 1st place to God?

The Joy a christian ought to be enjoying out of his walk with God is from God. and until I can truly grasp that I cannot be joyful, for I am constantly trying to fill up the "joy" with things in the world.

Have u, like me, been sapped from the joy we ought to enjoy as God's children, Let me pray for our sakes that we find true Joy in God. The true joy I have just found goes back to the very first day I accepted Christ.

I was happy, knowing my sins were redeemed in Him, I know my life is in His hands. I was happy.. just plain happy to know He works in my life.

Father Lord,
I'm so sorry for always finding excuses for myself.
I know deeply that true Joy should come from knowing you,
for there are many things that give momentarily happiness but
does not give the true joy I should be enjoying.
Help me, Lord, to be realeased from my thoughts and bondages,
that I may live a life surrendered to You, and so rightfully find joy
in doing so.

Lord, you give and take away, all that I have comes from you,
and I want to trust in You to be the Lord of my life.
I truly give thanks to You Lord, for dragging me along so many a times
I just feel like giving up. Thank You for reminding me of the initial Joy
of knowing You. May this Joy and peace be with me, whereever I will go
and till the very end of the days till I meet you..

Amen

God's Love is unconditional

When we like someone or love someone in our lives, be it our family members or our partners, we always expect that our love is returned in a sense that those whom we love will love us. Is this really called love? Will we stop loving those we claim to love if they do not love us? Or even bear a grudge against those people whom we so once loved but ended up in broken relationships?

What is.... Love? My own walk with God showed me the true meaning of God's Love.

1) Love is not asking for something in return:
When Jesus came to us, He gave us a choice to believe in Him, and for that He would heal us of our sins. He came and died for sinners, righteous, rich, poor, handsome, pretty, ugly, etc etc etc ALL OF US. He came to show His Love for us.

2) Love is unconditional:
Love is not about asking for something in return, instead is only want the person(s) we love to be well, happy. Its not something selfish. Parents naturally care for their children. Even animals take care of their young. Its something God put in us in His own image. You will love someone no matter what happens, even if he or she is disfigured the next moment, did something so wrong to you..... it does not depend on what he/she did. Or whether the person loves you back.

Of course, God created us to enjoy intimate relationships with Him and people around us. Perhaps that is why we so long for our love to be returned. Yet, God himself gave people the freedom of freewill.. and the choice to reject His love.

It is the somewhat similar for us as we are able to choose whom we want to spend the rest of our lives with, we constantly are afraid to go into relationships for fear of rejection. We even face rejection from our closes kins sometimes.. and are unable to forgive for some of the things done wrong to us.

Imagine the hurt, the bleed in the heart when the person died alone in pain, nail-pierced, flogged brutally before that and being hurled abuse at by the people around Him. Worst of all that pain in His heart must have come from the fact that He came to show His Love, for people, you and I, all of us when we don't even understand.

It must really have griefed Him to let Himself be subject to the rejection of so many He loved.

If you and I can understand the pain when we confess to someone we like and get rejected... imagine the pain God Himself felt.

16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,[a] that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 3:16

6You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:6-8

To change or not to change... that is not the question

Last Sunday's sermon was about making changes... I took a whole day to reflect upon that. It seems as if in life we make alot of changes, from small decisions to major decisions affecting our lives, and even those decisions havin an impact on others' lives.

We constantly think of what to change: whether or not to dye our hair colour, whether or not to follow suit the trends of the today world, whether to be tech-savvy, whether or not to choose certain modules to take up in university. Whether or not to change the way we think of people.. whether its right to do the things people commonly do.

"The traditional stubborn way of the old people needs a change!" is something young people nowadays will lament. Maybe some advocates of people who don't want to see changes will say: "We cannot change! If not, we are changing who we are just to suit the new trends. Today change, tommorrow also change, forever changing.. who are we actually?"

With regards to Christianity, that is a problem, too. Already, Christianity has so many denominations and "civil-wars" about doctrines of each other people wonder if we really belong together. Then again now, traditional churches are facing the growing trends of "changing styles" to suit the taste-buds of the younger generation.

I'm not trying to say changing to other styles is not good and I agree with what the pastor said. Since God has allowed mega-churches to grow so much, there is certainly a place for them... and traditional churches have prevailed... there is also a place for them.

The question is: To change or not to change... that is not the question. It is WHAT YOU ARE CHANGING AND WHAT YOU KNOW YOU ARE CHANGING that is a difference.

There are many styles of churches in the world today. And it is down to really preference of which one you can get comfortable with to worship God. But, it is not just changing to suit trends, to adhere to the preferences of people. When we change, we should KNOW what we are changing, and ask ourselves whether the change is God-intended.

There is not as much a big issue here, only question is how do you know if its God-intended. I'm very sure if we do seek Him, he will find the answer.

It is mentioned in the bible that in the end of days, people will raise up teachers for themselves, to hear the preaching they want to hear.. hopefully churches today at macro level know what they are headed towards, and not just changing to suit the people's wants. And at micro level, we don't just blindly follow.

FootSteps..

I'm sure everyone has heard of the footsteps story when a man walks with God. He looks back one day and to his surprise, see only one set of footprints for the last visible part of the journey. Angry, he questioned God :"Why do I see one set of footprints God?? Where are you? Are you even with me?!"

Taking His time slowly, God replied :"My child, I have been with you all the while. The set of footprints is when I carried you in my arms."

*********************************

I have this little notebook/schedule/miscellaneous book I carry with me around each day as I go about my little life. It is going to be full and so I spent a little while to look at the content I wrote..

I must say, I have indeed short-term memory: I forget things very quickly. and looking back at some of the things I wrote, I wondered: Hey, when did I ever write this XD. Some reminds me of the days I miss school :X

"I woke up late again...."

some talked about the various plans for church committee meetings and FOC planning:

"Foc call-up list for main comm...... .... ... Guan huai direction for year 2009-2010... missions trip planning for games"

there's even a song I composed

"Everytime I fell you picked me up, ......."

All in all that night I sat the bus home, I was reminded of the footsteps story, as I looked in the book: It contained anecdotes of my walk with God. One such little prayer went:" I have accepted the post of student coordinator for FOC and I hope God will use me even though I fear I may not be up to it." beside that was a little verse from Exodus 4: (if I don't rmb wrongly, it was about how God replied Moses when Moses asked God why did God choose Him to save the Israelites... where Moses said I don't know how to tell them..)

Some other thoughts were reflections: "We can as christians argue alot about how right we are... but does all that draw people closer to knowing God??" "what does it mean to truly follow Jesus and be a disciple of Christ??" "Lord, I'm so sorry for doubting You..."

The list of things I can pick out from such a little book that can fit into any pocket is yet countless more. It reminded me yet of the fact God is with us and He carried me through all of that I went through.. and alot of things that happened was not recorded. If I did, I probably would have more reasons to give thanks to my Father in heaven.

I feel that it is many a times we look back in good times we will not complain to God but when things go so wrong we blame God for being silent, and not being there. But hey its not true. that was the time He quietly carried us through, cried in our sorrows with us, just as He would rejoice in our happiness.

God is patient, God is kind, God is love and He is with us.

Why do u believe in God?

The most recent issue of Daily Bread has this little article pamphlet about
"Wisdom of Motives".

(the online version is available at this link):
http://www.rbc.org/bible-study/been-thinking-about/2008/04/01/column.aspx

After reading that article, I found myself asking: "Why do I believe in God? Is there a motive behind my Faith in God? Do I seek God for my own selfish reasons?"

Do I believe in God because if I do not I go to hell and If I believe I go to heaven? Did God promise I'll have a good life free of problems and be successful in life? Who is the Lord of my life? Am I the Lord of my own life, and treating God as a means to solve my problems, Seeking Him only in times of deep trouble and then chucking Him aside when things go fine?

Do I see my relationship with God as something I can stand to gain, then I will believe God? What if I cannot gain anything from God? Will I still recognise Him as the God who created all of the universe? Preacher Rf asked a hypothetical question:" If today God decided that if you believe Him, you will not get any salvation, nor go to heaven. Will you still believe in Him, and recognise He is God?"

Our motives speak for alot of things we do: a means to an end.

we study hard so as to get good results
we work hard so we can earn money
we do this this this..... so to get that that that....

Well.., is Christianity like that?? Do we as christians believe God only because we stand to gain something? We tend to forget one thing: God did not have to/ or obliged to save us from our sins. He did not have to come to the world and endure hardship, and die on the cross for us. Yet He did. He did not have to suffer for our sakes but He did.

The only Motive behind what God did was LOVE for us, even when we do not know about His love. Because when you love someone, you will want the best for the person. And when you love someone you don't need to earn the person's permission to love him/her. Just like parents will love their children, its not trying to gain someone's approval.

Here's a verse from Revelations 2:1-4

1"To the angel[a] of the church in Ephesus write:
These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands: 2 I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. 3 You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. 4 Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love.

The church of Ephesus was a blessed church by God, they were adept in their knowledge of God. They had gifts of God but yet, they have forsaken their first love: GOD.

I hope I will not forget that I Believe in God because It was my heart's response to knowing God's Love for me. It is the heart's response to want to know God and His love for others.

Finally a good school day... YAY!

Snoozed for like 45minutes before I even woked up today... BUT!!! Major improvement that I'm finally able to wake up on time by myself. XD

It has really been a long time since I'm able to enjoy my journey to school in a relaxed mood, watching the oncoming traffic, observing people... well Its just another normal day, isn't it?

As compared to the past 2 weeks when I've been rushing to school as I'm always late T.T, I'm finally able to make school in time and enjoying it. Having a time at the start of the day to reflect about God's grace in my life has really been good.

A lot of things are irreversible in life.. and certainly time is one of them, and yet each time I have a chance to quietly look back into life, God is the only one who hasn't changed. And He has never changed from since the beginning of time, and will not change for the future to come.

People come and go, words are said and forgotten, yet, there is someone here who hasn't changed quite a bit. His words will hold forever for He is God of my life and each and everyone of ours. So much has changed in me ever since I started walking this journey with Him, and as I learnt more about Him, I realise how foolish I had led my life in the past. But God is patient, and He always shows me the way and sometimes stubborness just means learning it the hard way.

Sometimes I seem to miss the point of my life: which is supposed to be God. Rushing to school, rushing to complete tutorials, assignments, rushing to eat during lunch breaks.

I miss the days so carefree in some times of my life I can just relax, take a step out of life and reflect upon Him and wonder: hahaha... hmm Lord I wonder why I do some of the things I do. Indeed, I had much joy coming to school today. Not because I woke on time, not because I was finally not late for lessons, not because I finally did revision. But because of Him, who granted yet a fresh day in my life I can renew my heart in Him.

Take my heart
hold my hands
open my eyes
to see Your work in my life